Sunday, May 7, 2017

communion: one with

Global warming will force up to 150 million climate refugees to move to other countries in the next 40 years.



I sidestep cratered sidewalks sprinkled with sweet gum balls ready to turn an ankle, along front yards mudsliding to coat pavement; skirt children’s toys and tree roots. I pay homage to my favorite trees massive and regal in our grid of small shirtwaists and airplane bungalows; pass various yards scaped with natives, vegetables or sprinkled with yard art. I inhale tantalizing aromas from the Pakistani restaurant tucked along a strip of storefronts. 

I am strolling through my neighborhood, along streets I’ve known since before I was pregnant with my now 14 year old daughter and have in fact paced through each pregnancy; trudged with babies in slings, in backpacks, pushed in strollers, and walked with them finally self-ambulatory. It is raining, a favorite time to walk because I am surrounded by homes cozy dry; pockets of sanctuary everywhere.

These streets hold our story.

As I turn down my block, I think of my neighbors and our history: the one who to drove to the ER when my youngest caught a goose egg falling on her head; the elderly one I’ve taken slow careful walks with who has since passed; the new one on the corner who turned her backyard into a retreat-like haven; the one up the block who makes Christmas sweets for everyone; the traveling ones for whom we cat-sit; the one who donates to every fundraiser my daughters approach her with; the one across the street who clambered up a tree to chainsaw a branch after watching my unsuccessful attempts with long handled loppers; the ones on either side who kindly buy whatever crafts my kids concoct and sell on the sidewalk.

I think of the 70 year old one next door who taught my girls to hula in the rain, getting drenched along with them; the one down the block who fixes my fix it projects; the neighbor patiently helping me overcome my fear of cycling; the one down the block who gives me poopy straw from her ducks for my garden; the ones who showed up costumed for child-planned Halloween parties; the ones who taught me to garden; the ones all around who kept my car from being towed when I was away birthing my second child and the street was being repaved; the former neighbor who drops by with bags and bags cucumbers from her garden each year and stays for a catch up cup of tea.

This neighborhood holds our stories.

When I think of climate change, I think about the connections in my neighborhood. It is these very webs we humans create that are jeopardized. We take for granted a stable planet to build such community. But tragically, webs established by the intentions and needs of people in relation to one another have been wrecked the world over already.

Indeed our interdependence is predicated on the precise web of an interconnected planet. Just as our needs and intentions shape our relational webs, they also affect the planet’s. We know how relationships suffer when we neglect them. To our peril, we’re experiencing what it is to neglect our habitat.

I cannot stress this enough: now we’re shredding the very web that supports our human-made webs. Think Jenga. When you destabilize the base to build the tower, eventually the whole structure falls apart.

What do we do with this knowledge?

Sometimes when I wish for a different house, one with two full baths, a different layout, a basement that doesn’t love rain, I think of my neighborhood. Then it’s house enough. In fact, it’s plenty. 

I know it may not seem an answer but I wonder if it’s a start. Maybe gratitude for what we already have can satisfy insatiable desire, the heedless drive for more wrecking the webs we actually need. Wrecking our pockets of sanctuary.

What then will happen to our stories?

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

the Sness of a thing



I am not T shaped. I am S. But I have spent most of my life hammering my Sness into Tness because I believed T to be good, S not.

No one criticizes S for not having the sharp angles of a T or expects  S curves from T. Besides, S and T serve different functions and aren’t interchangeable. No one hates either for not being like the other.

But many of us hate winter because it’s unlike fall, spring or summer. I did. I dismissed winter for not having the attributes I defined as pleasing or beautiful: it’s not warm, it gets dark early, the wind is biting, the sky stays grey for days.

I even hated winter trees for not sporting fall colors, the blooms of spring or verdant summer leaves. Their starkness made me uncomfortable. They were S and only T was good.

It was around the time I began recovering from bulimia that it occurred to me maybe winter trees carry a different beauty. Branches are sturdy yet vulnerable bones. Nests hidden during other seasons reveal themselves. The textures and patterns of bark, again overlooked in other seasons, become apparent. And then there is the graceful, ceaseless magic of snow clothing naked branches.

As I began to embrace my Sness, I could embrace the Sness of winter.

Luckily around this same time, I had a boss who insisted we walk during meetings. Outside. Regardless of weather. I had no idea people spent time outside when it was below 50. Other than trees, I began to notice new things: the crisp scent of cold air, the slant of winter sun, scat and paw prints in snow, foliage of wintering plants.

And I didn’t die. And it wasn’t miserable.

It was enjoyable. Invigorating.

Here’s another way to look at it. When getting to know Joan, I didn’t compare her to my friend Martha. I got to know Joan on Joan’s terms. How could I value Joan’s Joanness if I was measuring her against Martha’s Marthaness?

Learning to value winter for its winterness feels like spiritual practice. The cold, early darkness, biting wind and grey skies come with the package. What can I learn from experiencing this as it is, without judgement? How can I embrace the myriad seasons within myself and others?

It is also practice in living in a specific here and now, a particular topography. The Midwest allows us to experience a broad spectrum of weather. Not just T and S, but almost an entire climate alphabet, if you will. Gardening highlights the value of this variance too. Do you know we have three growing seasons? Spring, summer and fall grow different veggies; then the alchemy of winter replenishes the soil. What a gift of this longitude and latitude we inhabit.

Appreciating winter is also an opportunity to trust, anticipate and savor rhythms not of one’s making; rhythms ancient and wild and orderly and purposeful and with more wisdom than narrow human ideas of what is pleasing or beautiful.

But this appreciation didn’t happen overnight. Embracing something you once loathed, whether it's a person, one’s body or a season, takes time. Time spent getting to know the Sness of a thing. 

On its own terms.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

the best laid plans…

"and so to tenderness I add my action" Araceles Girmay


We were showered with well wishes and encouragement.

For our personal needs we were offered subzero sleeping bags, tents, a pocket stove, glove liners, a lantern, seasoned advice for camping in single digits, food for the long drive and more.

For the Water Protectors, a friend donated a bag of OTC meds, another dropped off comforters. We were handed cash.

My poetry mentor stopped by with a stone and feather. Years ago the stone from San Carlos, Mexico called to her and became her sacred stone. This week, it asked to be taken to a new home, to be among other sacred stones at Standing Rock. The consecrated feather from a Peruvian Shaman had participated in countless ceremonies. This week, it too asked to be taken to Standing Rock.

Like anything you do that matters, you realize you aren’t doing it alone or just for yourself. As friends messaged about donating on line or brought goods to my house, I realized I was a conveyor, carrying their energy, hopes, their intentions with me. I felt buoyed by this.

When we left at midnight, I placed the stone and feather on the dashboard, powerful totems to lead the way. Yet another friend met us off the highway at 3 am in the blustery Iowa cold and filled our car with thoughtful equipment for the wintering Water Protectors. We drove on.

Then it started to snow. Hard. We couldn’t see. We slowed down. Still couldn’t see. Checking the weather and road conditions we realized, at 6 am, we couldn’t continue. We decided to head home. The drive back was full of doubt. Should we have pushed on? Should we have hunkered down somewhere and waited for the blizzard to pass? Could we have extended our trip? Maybe driving would have been better in daylight?

A 12 hour round trip. I had wrestled my conscience about the emissions of this trip before leaving. It was painful to burn that much carbon for no good to come out of it; contradicting and undermining the cause we were going to support.

I felt distraught. We had planned so carefully, carved time away to make this weekend happen. A friend was watching our daughters, another friend got them off to school, we had folks at Standing Rock waiting for us, a car full of useful gear to deliver. The rock and feather had insisted on this journey. What will happen to the energy, hopes and intentions we had been entrusted with? I felt like I had failed; let people down.

…oft go awry

Later we would find out vehicles had slid off the highway and roads were closed. Even snowplows were discouraged.

Besides check the weather when you plan a trip, what could I learn from this aborted mission?

This journey certainly wasn’t about my personal pilgrimage, finally participating in something I’d been following for years. It wasn’t just about delivering practical items for the winter either. Another group from Kansas City will take the donated items.


As we briefly white-knuckled through the storm, I thought about how climate change disrupts our best-laid plans. Granted a blizzard in the Dakotas is not unusual and had been foreshadowed by the Farmer’s Almanac. But it got me thinking about the 22 million people displaced by climate change since 2008. What happens to the hopes and intentions of these refugees? We take for granted the ability to execute our plans, even if they’re delayed by circumstance. What happens when we simply cannot? It’s really inconceivable isn’t it? Yet it is an increasing reality worldwide.

I also thought about the sacred stone and feather desiring to go to Standing Rock. I believe they want to take part in their planet’s restoration. For too long we humans have placed ourselves in dominion over the earth, subjugating all the earth’s elements to satisfy our intentions. But it is further hubris to now assume humans are the only beings capable of caring about the earth. The earth and its elements are living sentient beings, invested in restoration in ways we can’t understand. Maybe that’s why the DAPL saga has seized our hearts and imagination.


As conveyor for the intentions and hopes of others I felt both buoyed and weighted with responsibility, humbled and honored. Maybe it is the same when we remember we belong to the earth and the earth belongs to us. Maybe restoration happens when we become humbled enough and honored enough to realize indeed we belong to the earth and the earth belongs to us. 

How then do we manifest such understanding in our lives?



Sunday, August 14, 2016

why I rarely take my kids to the pool

For most kids, summer equals days spent at the pool. In the greater Kansas City area, there are over 60 public swimming pools, not to mention the big aquatic joints and small neighborhood spray parks. Across the country, there are millions of residential pools. I suspect most hotels, recreation and health centers have pools too. Access to swimming pools, indeed swimming, seems like something we can take for granted.

This is one side of the equation.

Here’s the other side:
One in 10 people have access to safe water.
One in 3 have access to a toilet.
Worldwide women and girls often spend up to 6 hours collecting water, averaging 3.7 miles daily.
Globally, 1/3 of all schools lack access to safe water and adequate sanitation.
43 countries are considered water stressed.
85% of the world population lives in the driest half of the planet.

This means thousands of children worldwide are not slathered in sunscreen frolicking poolside. Instead, about 2000 children under the age of five die because of diarrheal diseases linked to water, sanitation and hygiene. Daily.

It is a thin sliver of luck that puts my kids on this side of the inequitable water equation. My family and their dad’s family emigrated from countries and regions from which the above stats were drawn so that our kids could dive for toys in more water than many 3rd world communities will ever see.

I cannot reckon these two realities.

I know not taking my kids to the pool does not add water to the world’s water equation. I know it doesn't quench the thirst of a Somali baby or carry the 50 lb water bucket for an Ethiopian girl or water the Bangladeshi farmer’s field. But I cannot reckon my privilege with the world’s water crisis.


For most of the world, water is an unmet need, a tenuous link to life, not a source of recreation. Further, it pains me to see a finite, diminishing resource taken for granted while we ourselves are mere inches away from our own water crises.



"I am not writing about nature. I am writing about humanity. And if I have a subject, it is justice." Barry Lopez

Monday, March 21, 2016

shifting our gaze


This may be a familiar story. Downstream people are drowning and we frantically rescue them. But as soon as we pull some out, there are more and more people drowning. We then strive to improve our rescue efforts. Perhaps a better way to save people is to shift our gaze upstream to understand why people are falling into the river.

This analogy applies to toxic chemicals in our homes. Focusing just on where and how to safely store chemicals keeps us downstream because it maintains the assumption that people fall in without questioning what’s causing them to do so. No doubt rescuing is necessary; but let’s strive to keep people out of the river by keeping toxics out of our lives.

The average American is exposed to thousands of toxics daily yet only a small percentage of these have been safety tested for human exposure and none for synergistic impact. In fact, home and health product makers aren’t required to list all ingredients in their products nor do they have to prove they’re safe. Moreover, the Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA) hasn’t been updated since 1976 while new chemical compounds are approved daily for use. Even while legislation is slow to keep up, it can also omit dangerous, even known carcinogens like asbestos. Found around the country in older drywall and insulation, asbestos is still legal for use in the US and Canada even though exposure causes the devastating cancer, mesothelioma.

Why are there toxics in our lives in the first place?

Clearly people will continue to fall into the river if this reality goes unchecked. It’s vital to advocate for more legislative measures to eradicate untested chemicals from being used in everyday products and mandate labeling to accurately detail contents. This is putting up protective railings upstream.

While seeking consumer protection and governmental measures, what else can we do?

Start by examining the products already in your home. For instance, anything scented contains phthalates, known endocrine disruptors. But because of proprietary laws, they’re listed on labels only as ‘fragrance.’ Is scented deodorant or laundry detergent something you really need? If so, consider alternatives to achieve the same end. Pleasing scents are possible without exposing yourself to harmful chemicals.

Are there products you think you can’t live without? Understand many household products serve a fabricated rather than a real need. Research them at Environmental Working Group to learn what goes in labeling, what’s left out as well as healthier replacements-if that product is indeed necessary. Fabric dryer sheets are an example of a fabricated demand for an unnecessary product full of toxics.

Oftentimes you can make your own replacements for health and home produces out of simple ingredients like baking soda and vinegar. It’s surprisingly easy and saves you money. Vinegar by the way is a terrific fabric softener that is a safe alternative to dryer sheets. Don’t worry, your clothes won’t smell like you’ve been dyeing Easter eggs.

Most importantly educate yourself. There are many documentaries, books and articles that detail the chemical soup in which we live and explain how toxic chemicals insinuate their way into our lives. Included below is a list of useful links.

It is not a given we have to live with toxic chemicals in our everyday products. It’s not a given people will just fall into the river and rescuing is the best we can do. This keeps us downstream.

Let’s investigate what’s happening upstream.
***
Documentaries:

Websites detailing toxic products and alternatives:



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