"I think eco-judgmentalism is a real danger. This is not a matter of finding another five quick rules to keep you on the right side of God. This is not about what we do; this is a change or a development in the depth of our relationship with God himself. It's about everything, not just about a narrow slice of topics. It would be disastrous if we turn the biblical vision into a code that "good" Christians follow—something like, thou shalt eat muesli, wear sandals, and look miserable." Peter Harris (http://ht.ly/5kME7)
I am an environmental Pharisee. I know this because my good friend the other day apologized because she had a Styrofoam cup from Sonic. Just like the Pharisees in the Bible, I tie up heavy burdens on people's shoulders by my judgment. It’s so true. In my mind I keep a running tally of people’s choices. They buy meat at Costco, his car is idling, she put out more trash than recyclables; it goes on and on. I even mean mug wait staff at restaurants if they give my kids drinks in Styrofoam cups before I can tell them otherwise. And here's the worst: I feel slightly smug about natural disasters because they prove that climate change is indeed happening. Therefore I’m right.
It’s difficult to admit this. I consider myself open-minded; hip to the truth that each of us gets to God through a very personal path. I have all sorts of empathy and grace for people who do drugs, drink, smoke, have sex outside of marriage, get divorce, are GLBT, whatever. But if you put chemicals on your lawn, I condemn you.
How did I become this harsh, OCD room monitor for creation? How does awe for God’s mystifying imagination turn into a grumbling obsession with trash and recordkeeping? I started to pay attention to what triggered judgment: fear and anxiety ignited by way too much research. When I notice litter, which is always, I get fixated. I picture plastic debris splintering, making its way into the bodies of birds and fish or eventually joining other pieces of litter crowding out plankton in the ocean. And frankly, I don’t believe God’s got it under control. It’s why I stepped up as creation monitor. I’m well suited for the job because I come from a long line of perfectionistic, micro-managing worriers (and I mean that in the best way possible mom and dad). So when I attend social events, I spend the duration of the gathering rescuing recyclables from the trash, making sure SUDIs aren’t used, washing dishes and sometimes I even get to take home the recyclables I’ve rinsed or cardboard I’ve broken down.
Such a blast for my kids by the way.
It’s also an issue of identity. Being born into a family of professionals and married to someone achievement driven, then choosing to be a stay-at-home mom, provokes feelings of inferiority. I want to stand out somehow, be an expert in an arena outside the home. Loving nature and being a voracious reader I became an authority on our environmental impact. I can assert or feel self-satisfied based on researched criteria. This helps compensate for what I’m not doing career wise. If I can judge others for their environmental choices, I can feel better about myself.
Being an enviro-Pharisee is burdensome. I carry a tremendous load of guilt when I make environmentally unfriendly choices like throw the clothes in the dryer instead of line-dry or drive the kids to school instead of toughening it out in the winter. But I can’t persuade people to take care of our amazing habitat or even sustain my own energy if I’m relentlessly militant.
Somehow my good intentions have gone awry and I’ve lost my way.
Somehow my good intentions have gone awry and I’ve lost my way.
This summer a couple of moms and I took our kids hiking. I brought along gloves and trash bags so we could collect debris along the way. There was a lot of chatter about how harmful litter was and at the time I was pleased with how many bags we filled and how probably these kids wouldn’t litter. I see it differently in retrospect. Again, unintended curriculum for kiddos: litter and litterbugs= bad. People who clean up litter and don’t litter=good. What would they have learned if we talked about the various trees, plants, flowers along the way instead? What would they have experienced if we didn’t have our heads down seeking trash? Perhaps time spent simply hiking would have unfolded for them personally, naturally, with its own unique gift for each hiker.
Ironically, love for nature initially prompted me to learn more. What I learned sparked fear and anxiety about nature, leading me to research information further fueling my fear and anxiety rather than compelling me to seek the solace and buoyancy of creation or its Creator.
How do I find my way to what's vital about creation care? I know it has to do with reverence for the intricate detail, harmony, and beauty bursting in the created world. I know it has to do with a growing realization about our interrelatedness and dependence on everything in creation. I know it has to do with a desire to live justly. Maybe it’s like the beginning of yoga class when participants set intentions for their practice. Maybe I have to reset my intention.
May I cultivate choices, not from fear or anxiety, but rooted in respect for the divine in everything.
May I share, not heavy burdens, but knowledge in ways that honor the divine in myself and others.
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